Raising Isaiah

MISSING SOME THINGS

2009-10-11T21:24:00.000-04:00

As I sit here, tickled to death watching Isaiah's complete re-enactment of winning his first touch down yesterday, I am also a little sad and feeling a touch guilty. I missed it. I missed the football game for a bloggers conference I attended this weekend (Blogalicious '09). It was a fabulous conference. I learned a lot about social media and now have a very long to-do list. The wealth of conference swag and the parties (especially the one put on by the Blog Rollers) was awesome, haven't danced like that in a while. And India Arie made a very quick cameo appearance at the party--SO COOL. And I met Denene Miller and Nelson George--two writers whose work I deeply admire. Wait...what was I saying? Oh yeah....my wonderful, amazing son ran his very first touch down and his mommy wasn't there. I know that there will be many other firsts but I really hated that I missed this one.

I am a working mother. I have to work. I am single so of course mine is the only income coming into this house. (So unless you want to share with me next week's Mega Millions numbers--don't judge me okay?) I was working when he took his very first steps (again gleefully re-enacted when I picked him up from day care.) I cried of course, cause I'm a sappy mom who tears up over things like that. I know it seems strange, but in a way, being a working mother makes me more conscience of the time I spend with him and making it count. I can't always volunteer for all the school trips or serve on the PTA board but I can and do make his Halloween costumes, his birthday cakes, and am there for many, many other firsts. Now I have to go. Isaiah's having a fake wrestling match with some pillows and I have to play the "announcer".

TRY A LITTLE TENDERNESS

2009-10-06T11:25:00.000-04:00

Okay so that’s the second time in a week that another adult has had to gently pull my son away from me; this morning it was his teacher and then this past Saturday at his football game. I will state in a completely honest assessment of my parenting style that I don’t attempt to “baby” him (well not too much). But sometimes the comfort of your mother’s arms is just where you want to be. I’m 30-ish (smile) and I still feel that way sometimes. At times you have to give them a gentle nudge back out in the game. “You gotta suck it up son, football is tough,” I said. But then the next play he falls down and a couple of kids step on his hand—in cleats! That would make me cry for my mother too. I was frozen actually, not sure exactly what to do. He's screaming and holding his hand, do I rush out onto the field? Just then he breaks free of the crowd of coaches examining the hand and comes over to me. So as he’s sitting on my lap on the sidelines while I try to determine how much soothing is necessary, a coach, in all his mercy senses my cluelessness with just how much tenderness to show a boy, comes and takes Isaiah by the hand, tells him he’ll be okay and promptly puts him back in the game.

I was relieved of course, but there was that instinct, that voice that screams I NEED TO GO GET MY BABY! And there’s the other voice that says mishandling moments like these are how 40 year-olds end up living in their mother’s basements. As a woman raising a man it’s so hard to tell sometimes when to apply the tenderness and when to get tough. So please tell me, how do you know how much comforting is too much and when to take a hard line and send them back out into the game?

Old School Kids

2009-09-03T14:32:00.000-04:00

I lament often about how much better life seemed when I was a kid. Life was simpler, play was safer and more imaginative. When I was a kid playing (way back in the 1980s) we learned how to fill in the blanks where technology had left off. It made us smarter and more creative. But by the 1990s much of that was out the window. Everything was more sophisticated—from video games to dollhouses. My little cousin’s dollhouse was so fancy it came with a remote control that operated the lights and a doorbell. We had to make all that kind of stuff up.

So now when I tell my son these tales of yesteryear when I was his age in 1981, how we had to get up and change the channel on the cable box and no one had the Internet, he stares in disbelief unable to imagine such hardships. We may tend to think of our children’s generation as a bunch of lazy, spoiled kids who don’t know how good they have it. And while to some degree that might be true, there are still lots of kids out there who want to play outside until the street lights come on and use their imaginations.

Case in point is the Speed Racer 1000. That’s the name of my son Isaiah’s box car. And by box I mean an actual box. He came up with the idea a couple of weeks ago. I don’t know what got into him other than maybe spending a week with me at Georgia Tech this summer must have inspired him. So he came up to me one day and said,

“Mama, I want to build a car.”

“Okay,” I replied and went back to watching T.V. as I was sure that he meant a tiny toy car.

He comes back requesting a cardboard box and tape. Then he comes back a little while later wanting to know if I have any wheels. That’s when I realize he wanted to build a—CAR, one that he can actually ride in. I explained to him that those were called go carts. So we went online, just out of curiosity, to see what it takes to make one. Now let me just stop right here and say that my mechanical skills extend to just shortly beyond hammering a nail and bookcase assembly. So needless to say that we quickly discovered go cart construction was too sophisticated.

Then I had an idea. I had just purchased a bookcase from IKEA whose packaging was perfect. I reinforced the rectangular box with tape and Isaiah cut a big hole in the top to sit down in. He then taped the bottom of the box to his skateboard and viola…we have a box car.

Now let me just say that I had absolutely no faith that this would actually work, but off to the park we went. After we got there and got set up a small crowd of about five curious kids and a couple of parents had gathered. Isaiah, so proud, announced the take off of the aptly named Speed Racer 1000. I could only laugh. But he positioned himself at the top of a slight incline and as one of the dad’s gave him a good push, off he went down and around. I’ll be dog gone it worked!

After that, several of the kids wanted to try it and so they took turns riding in the box car. I couldn’t help but appreciate that even with all of the technology available that there were still some kids who do still appreciate the simple pleasure of pretend play. Thanks to the Speed Racer 1000 (which after all the rides has finally fallen apart and had to be retired to the dumpster). Ahh, but it was fun while it lasted.

Love This Site Awards - DivineCaroline

2009-09-02T14:49:00.001-04:00

"Please vote for my site www.raisingisaiah.blogspot.com It's under parenting"

Thought you'd want to check these awards out. They're accepting votes and nominations now – and awarding $4,500 in prizes. Not bad!

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DOUGHNUTS & DINOSAURS

2009-08-25T12:13:00.010-04:00

I woke Isaiah up early Saturday morning. He was cranky since he’d stayed up late the night before.

“Why do we have to go to this thing Mommy?” he whined.

“Because,” I said, “it’s going to be really cool and you’ll have lots of fun.”

“No I won’t,” he replied. “It’s going to be boring.” Then I played my last card.

“There’ll be doughnuts.” I said.

He reluctantly got up and dressed and off we went to the Georgia Public Broadcasting studios in Midtown Atlanta to preview the new show DINOSAUR TRAIN. When we first arrived we immediately spotted the balloons and the welcome sign.

“See I told you this is going to be a lot of fun,” I said. Mr. Cranky Pants Isaiah finally perked up.

When we got inside the lobby was filled with fun activities such as face painting, balloon animals, and arts and crafts. And there were of course, the doughnuts. After quickly munching down our breakfast treats we headed inside the auditorium for the preview.

Dinosaur Train is a show about character “Buddy”, a T-rex who is adopted by a family of Pteranodons who take him on all kinds of adventures through different eras learning all kinds of cool facts about the animals they meet.

Though Buddy is a pre-school aged dinosaur, the educational aspects and cool factor of the dinos themselves was enough to keep my seven year-old interested in the show.

On September 13-18 GPB will kick off Dinosaur Week with the launch of Dinosaur Train on September 13 with two special episodes at 9a.m. and 10:30 a.m. (regular time slot weekdays at 8:30 a.m.)

PBS Kids favorites like Curious George, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Barney and Friends and Sid The Science Kid will run special dinosaur-themed episodes throughout the week. Primetime shows begin September 13 with David Attenborough's "Living with Dinosaurs" at 8 p.m. The popular IMAX attraction, "Dinosaurs Alive!" will air on Wednesday, September 16 at 8 p.m.

Check out www.gpb.org/dinosaur-train and www.gpb.org/dinosaur-week

Needless to say, by the end of the event Isaiah had had an absolute ball. He got his face painted, made a paper dinosaur, rode the train, and got a balloon animal. He even got to eat a couple more doughnuts. Proclaiming as he always does when he’s having a really good time,

“This is the best day of my life!”

Little Entrepreneur

2009-07-22T18:13:00.000-04:00

Having my son back home from summer vacation with the grandparents has been so great. Isaiah is at work with me this week and doing his best to keep himself entertained. He’s just decided that he wants to be an entrepreneur. He is selling paper airplanes to my co-workers for $1 each. And so far he’s sold two. His goal is to sell 10 by the end of the week. I taught him how to keep a record of his sales and the money he’s collected. He’s very excited about his entrepreneurial adventure.

Teaching Kids Fiscal Responsibility - ABC News

2009-07-22T18:07:00.002-04:00

Isaiah and I appeared on Good Morning America in this segment on teaching your kids about money. Check us out!

Teaching Kids Fiscal Responsibility - ABC News

Shared via AddThis

The Meltdown

2009-02-20T14:05:00.003-05:00

Okay….so the teacher just called to say that Isaiah was basically having a meltdown in class today. I myself could hear the screaming in the background. Not sure what set him off, but it made me kind of wonder if I do enough to help him understand and deal with his negative emotions in a positive way.

When a kid throws a tantrum so-to-speak like that it means that there is pent up anger and frustration that they don’t know how to properly express. I wonder if that’s my fault or is this just normal for a little kid who’s trying to deal in the world. I mean adults take prescription meds when they have difficulty coping. Also I'm a little freaked because I wonder if he's going to be overly emotional because he's being raised by a woman. And I'm also afraid that the tantrums will escalate into something more serious, the kind of acting out that's more serious. Advice please… help!

Stimulus Now!

2009-02-09T14:32:00.004-05:00

Okay...I know that the campaign is over, but I am still fired up and ready to go! The partisan bickering that is delaying the passage of what I believe is a crucial piece of legislation is something I find deeply frustrating. I know that the bill isn't perfect, but there seems to be more yackity yack on Capitol Hill than working together to find a solution (big surprise there). So, I want to take this time to make sure that parents know what's at stack here (please see previous posts).

These are just some of the things related to helping our kids:

The funding and financing of school modernization and repair under this bill are of critical importance, as they will address a longstanding need for our nation’s educational infrastructure, create jobs in a time when they are sorely needed, and go directly to projects that can be started immediately.

Funding for education initiatives in this bill, including Title I funding, Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, Head Start and school construction, are essential to prepare both our children and our nation for the 21st century economy.

Funding for health care initiatives in this bill, including child care services, nutrition assistance programs, health care modernization efforts, preventive medicine efforts, and the protection and expansion of health care coverage in our nation, are necessary in order to care for those hardest hit by the current economic downturn and responsibly reform our outdated, exclusionary and expensive health care system.

**Info. courtesy of the National PTA.

PLEASE PARENTS GET INVOLVED! CALL YOUR LAWMAKERS. THIS IS YOUR MONEY AND YOUR KIDS' FUTURE!

We Can and We Must Do Better Than This (Part 2)

2009-01-29T10:46:00.002-05:00

The response I received from Sen. Stoner was rapid. See below:

Thank you for taking the time to write to me about the state funding of the school nurse program. I share your concerns for the health and well being of our children. Please know the decision to continue state assistance for the school nurse program is of great concern to me. The process for considering the continuation of this important state funding has just begun. The General Assembly has not yet begun the task of fully addressing this important state issue.
I would like to take this opportunity to provide some background information on current funding of the school nurse program, along with the budget process and a historical look at this particular program. The Governor and General Assembly have fully funded the state portion of the school nurse program for Fiscal year 2009, which runs through the end of this school year. In his Fiscal Year 2010 budget proposal, the Governor has suggested removing the state portion of school nurse funding. The next step in the budget process is consideration by the House of Representatives. The Senate will only have an opportunity to make changes once the budget receives approval from the House of Representatives.

The current state portion for school nurse funding is $30 million dollars and the local school systems fund an additional $25 million for a total of $55 million dollars. The proposal by the Governor for 2010 is to remove the state portion of funding. State assistance for funding school nurses began with in the 2001 school year to expand coverage to more of our school. Prior to 2001 school nurses were funded solely by local school systems.

As you likely already know, the state is facing a historic shortfall in revenues. This does not allow any option to be removed from consideration. However, it is a top priority of mine and my Senate colleagues to look at all available options in order to continue assisting local school systems with the school nurse program.

Again, thank you for taking the time to write me with your concerns.

Doug Stoner
State Senator
District 6

We Can and We Must Do Better Than This

2009-01-29T10:08:00.005-05:00

I was so upset to learn that due to the humongous budget shortfall for the state of GA, the general assembly would be making budget cuts that included of all things--SCHOOL NURSES! Taking pen to paper I drafter a letter to my state senator and representative:

Dear Senator Stoner,

I am writing to express my deep concern over the proposed budget cuts affecting school nurses. My son, Isaiah who is a first grader and is asthmatic. He cannot take his asthma medication without assistance. Nurse Lilly provides that assistance. The school is several miles away from the nearest emergency room and/or firestation. Our school nurse is the first medically trained responder for students experiencing more than a stomach ache or a fever. She administers vital medication our children need such as albuterol, insulin, and even epi-pens.

This is critical to the health and safety of our children, which I believe the school is responsible for when children are in attendance; and which I also believe the public expects.

Please, on behalf of your fellow citizens, especially the littlest ones you serve, I ask that you work to restore this vital funding and save our school nurses.

The Disconnects (Part 1)

2009-01-13T16:05:00.003-05:00

When Isaiah was about three, I learned that there were many things that as a boy I would just NOT get about him. For instance I had to learn how to play with him. I had just gotten him a new wooden train set for Christmas and I was helping him set it up. It took forever, but we did it. I set up the little village and the complicated bridge. I sat back and admired my work, truly satisfied. That's when he took his plastic airplane and crashed it right into the bridge, leaving half the set sprawled across the floor. I was flabbergasted. Why did he just destroy the nice, perfectly set up trainset. Boys, I thought, always gotta be tearing something up.

It was about a week later that I got my answer. From the radio of all places, a local personality (Frank Ski-V103) was talking about how boys play and mentioned that the purpose of doing things like crashing the trainset or building blocks is to set it back up again. I could only laugh. As a girl of course I wanted everything to be nice and neat and pretty. As a boy he just wanted to break it all down so he could build it up again. That's just one of many examples of the gender disconnects Isaiah and I have had over the years. As I struggle to understand him (through our time together or from the insight of the other men in his life), I wonder if in doing so I understand myself better and vice versa. Much of what I've learned about little boys having come from my son, then much of what he learns about women comes from me. Which makes me wonder, how much of how men learn to connect with women emotionally comes from their relationships with their mothers?

Happy 2009!

2009-01-12T14:46:00.004-05:00

Okay, so I haven't posted in a while--a long while. Let me just say that between my absolute obsession with the presidential election (GOBAMA!) and the holiday season, I got sidetracked. But after my election detox and credit card maxation, life is thankfully back to normal. Which kind of got me to thinking lately about my life and my single hood---single parenthood actually and (ahem) dating. So far so good. I mean my dates are kept at a safe distance from Isaiah, and by safe I mean ne'er the twin shall meet--unless of course things are super serious. And I haven't had anything super-serious in a long time. My focus has admittedly been on my writing career and traveling. But now having a relationship is back in the forefront. So knowing my outspoken son this should get really, really interesting....

The Unconventional Mom

2008-08-18T15:43:00.000-04:00

Okay, I will admit it. I am not, what some would call a “normal” mother. Whew! It feels good to get that out. I am not exactly sure what it means to be a normal mother, but I do know that I do not have the patience of June Cleaver or the togetherness of Claire Huxstable. My house is not spotless like my Aunt Jewell’s and at any given time you may get up from my sofa to find a Fruit Loop stuck to the leg of your pants. I do not have witty comebacks and moral monologues on standby for just the right moment. Sometimes I don’t know what to say when my son asks me a particularly thought provoking question so I change the subject or turn on the radio or apologize once again for his father’s perpetual absence. Lean in close when you read this…sometimes, I really don’t know what the hell I’m doing!!

It is normal I think to feel inadequate at times. Everyone has standards of what the perfect mother should be and to some degree, we all fall short and feel guilty that some thing, somewhere is not getting done right or on time.

My finicky son has recently decided that he doesn’t like breakfast food, of any kind really except for Fruit Loops—dry. I freak out about the lack of nutrition and fortitude in such a breakfast so I feed him what he will eat, chicken sandwiches, chicken fingers and tater tots (which is kind of like a hash brown, right?), and once even a hot dog. I know it’s appalling, but a full stomach before school is all I’m after and if it takes something unconventional then so be it.

Don’t get me wrong, I have my sticklers, clothes have to be clean and pressed, schoolwork must be neat, adults are to be respected (Mr. Jack or Ms. Kelly), and we’re working on proper table manners. Try as I might, I am not as organized as I’d like to be and I can’t always serve on a PTA committee. But I do the best I can and right now I suppose that’s all I can do.

Lessons From the Tooth Fairy

2008-08-14T11:39:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I had one of those truly awesome parental moments. My six year-old son, Isaiah lost his first tooth. He was so excited to be getting a visit (and some money) from the tooth fairy that he went to bed early. I waited until I knew he was good and asleep, crept into his room, took the tooth from under his pillow and replaced it with a nice crisp dollar bill. The next morning he excitedly lifted the pillow and said, “I knew it. I knew she was going to leave me a dollar.” I just laughed and shook my head, thinking as I did the day he took his first steps or learned to ride a bike, that moments like these are why you have kids.

Later that day when we stopped at the grocery store, my son decided he wanted some candy. I told him he had candy at home. But he didn’t want that candy. He wanted a bag of Skittles from the store. Fine, I said, if you want the Skittles then you’ll have to buy it with your own money. He said he didn’t have any money, to which I replied that he’d just gotten a dollar that morning from the tooth fairy. “But I left that at home on my dresser” he said, and replied that I could pay for the candy with my credit card like the rest of the groceries. Never mind that kids always have a way of volunteering their parents to do something they want, like you could just put it on your credit card. Really, can I?

But then, I thought this could be a good opportunity to see if he’d learned to keep to his word. So I explained to him that if I bought the Skittles then he would have to pay me back when we got home and he readily agreed.

True to form when we got home as I was putting the groceries away, my son, with a mouth full of Skittles says, “Well Mom, a deal’s a deal. I owe you a dollar.” He handed me the dollar without a trace of reluctance. I was genuinely moved so much so that I couldn’t take the money. “That’s being an honorable guy Isaiah,” I said. “What does Mommy always say to you?” I asked. “Do what I say I’m going to do,” he replied. “That’s right,” I said but told him to take back the dollar and put it in his piggy bank.

I know what some of you are thinking…that that’s a terrible way to teach a kid about money. After all, the bank doesn’t give you anything when you borrow money and you pay it back as agreed. In fact they charge interest and are fairly unsympathetic to what kind of lesson you’ve learned. However, I am not a bank. I am a mother who was so proud of her son understanding the importance of keeping his agreements that I didn’t have the heart to take his tooth fairy money.

Facing so many challenges as a single mother, and perhaps the largest of which not being able to teach my son how to be a man, not being one myself and all. But I made an important decision years ago. This is the hand we got dealt. It’s not an ideal situation but if I pray, follow God’s word, see to it that he has good male role models and do the best I can to impart in him the character traits essential to being a good and productive human being then we would be, and he would be just fine. So far, so good.

First Days and First Grade

2008-08-11T11:24:00.000-04:00

The morning begins like any other morning except it is the first day of school. I get up late, which is of course normal for me. Struggle to get Isaiah out of the bed, washed up, dressed, fed and out the door on schedule—yet failing as usual (also normal for me). It’s okay though admitting you have a problem is the first step. And I am always running five minutes late. Always, always, always, no matter what I do it seems. Today we experience a series of delays thwarting our planned exit of 7:15 a.m. First Isaiah’s shoes are on the wrong feet, his socks are upside down, he smeared toothpaste on his shirt and spills a whole bowl of Fruit Loops on the floor just as we were about to leave.

I take deep breaths and try to relax. I am a mother. I can do many things, some of them all at once. I am superwoman. But I cannot control time. So I decide to let it go. Serenity now… I refuse to stress about the spilled cereal, the toothpaste stain, the mixed up shoes and upside down socks with the heel on the tops of his feet. We have to go right now, right this second or he will be late for school. When we arrive in front of the school it is complete pandemonium. Cars are parked on the sides of the street and in the grass. Hurried parents are escorting children across parking lots, up sidewalks and into the school. We have ten minutes before the first bell rings and Isaiah races me to front door. Alas we make it with minutes to spare. I hand the teacher his school supplies and tell him goodbye so that I can stop by the cafeteria and pay for his lunch before heading off to work. He is already sitting at the table with two other kids coloring worksheets. I give him a quick squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. “Mom” he says, “please don’t do that in public.”

I just laugh and say okay. On the way to work I call my nieces who are also getting ready for the first day of school to tell then to have a good day. And then I wonder where all the time went. When did I go from having a baby to a pre-schooler to a first grader? When did I go from the baby who squealed when he saw me and leapt into my arms when I came to pick him up from daycare, to this kid who is reading and writing and warning me against public displays of affection? Whoever said they grow up fast wasn’t kidding. But I think I have this mommy thing down a little bit now, you pick your battles, don’t sweat the small stuff and try to savor every moment.